die fborfw

*John Hiscock (nee Patterson) married his mistress and she forced him to take her last name
*Butterscotch and Mr. B left Elly Patterson as well, hearing of a great campus in which rabbits roam free, except for the occasional hawk, owl, motorised vehicle, drunk undergrads and stochastic climate modelers on a bike
*Elly Patterson kept her old woman hair long, stringy and split-ended to all hell
*Jim died of suffocation at the hands of Elizabeth; Iris married another invalid because she gets off on the power
*Liz hates the lil bastards and repetitiveness of teaching, but the summers are great and the EAs with big boobs are better
*Anthony manages the Mayes porn empire
*MIchael wrote a book and screenplay on stochastic climate modeling, which ruined his career udderly
*Rpbin somehow developed down syndrome, and Dee plied him with the morning after pill. After Robin OD'd, the Supreme Court upheld that she was in her legal right to control her reproduction
*April failed at veterinary medicine, but got on with a successful career in the Mayes porn empire, bestiality division
*All the other characters, even the homosexuals, formed part of carefully crafted story of schmaltz

Thanks to my syndicate first, family third. I will milk this for as long as can until I'm disgracefully jettisoned 4eva

Liz:"It must be so tough caring for this bag of bones, eh? Anthony is coming down with a cold and I feel like ditching him"
Iris:"It's about committment. Unless you're a frigid, arrogant whore who's married to her work, then you deserve to be left"
Liz:"How can one be frigid and a whore?"
Iris:"die fborfw, die!"

No graditude to anyone cuz I did this all on my own. I piss on my one fan, Gretel ~fborfwlover

Liz:"Ahhh, look at Gramps! He's drooling like a comatose Emmy on a car-ride"
Iris:"It's fborfwlover's b-day today. How ought we to celebrate"
Liz:"I know how"
*Liz plows a pillow into Gramps face, suffocating the life out of him*


Iris:"Hey kids. Delaying consummation to come here? Oh yeah, that's done at the first itch of horniness in a relationship these days"
Liz:"It's more a raggin thing behind the delay"
Iris:"So in light of his pathetic failing body, we've decided to make Jim a Frankenstein. He's got a brand new black schlong, and a pair of sweet boobies, as we all know everyone loves boobies"
Jim:"Gah, is that my face?!"
Iris:"Relax, hon, it's only Anthony"

April:"Mom what happened to Mike!?"
El:"God is punishing him by shrinking him for encouraging that homosexual, Lawerence, to marry"
Mustachioed justice of the peace:"To care and blah blah, lifelong commitment"
El:"I promise to lay on the commitment thing so thick, as my way of punishing your philandering"
John:"Finally! You acknowledge the new bearded taco in my life"


Phil:"Yeah it's a heart attack. I promised not to tell how it happened, but let's just say it involved sexy Iris lingerie and 3 cheeseburgers"
Elly:"What's it gonna take to bring this guy down?? The miracles of modern medicine are confined to the resuscitation of corpses. It will be good to further drain the health care system. Just think, we had a free speech pathologist and all he got out of it was 'baaa' and 'deeeeeeeee'"
Phil:"Sorry El you're gonna have to repeat that, I've just been hypnotised. And my beard ate the phone"

Liz:"I never realised you were negro until the other day. I thought you were a funky white girl. Btw, where's my bouquet of roses??"
Dawn:"You're holding them. Btw, we have no rice left to throw, I couldn't help myself, I had to eat it"
Liz:"Roses?? Uh, that's my muff"
Dawn:"I'll get the weed-wacker!!"
Unknown girl:"Let's make a pact while Dawn is gone. Friends forever!"
Liz:"I don't even know who the hell you are, unknown girl. Anyways, friendship erodes over time"
All:"Friendship for the time being!! Then, distance and bitchiness leads to casual friendship at best!! Then, you're just too far away for me to care!! TO CARE!!!"

Dee:"Kids, stop playing lesbian wedding! Meredith and Francie cannot consummate the marriage, thus it isn't a marriage"
Robin:"Would you prefer I marry my sister?"
Dee:"That can't be consummated either because you're too young for an erection. Mom!"
Mother of dee:"Consummation is overrated. Kids, let me tell you story. The penis is gross and keep it away from your doodads. Nothing can't be stimulated by your own fingers. Just have a partnership where your hubby does shit for you"
Robin:"Am I getting something out of this?"

Liz:"What do you think Dad? We finally got the moths out..wait, one just when up my snatch"
John:"Dustballs are rolling up you're mother's coochie since I left her"
Weed:"Award-winning photographer Weed, here. Award-winning, but nothing compared to Michael. Now touch something wonderful with your hands"
John:*I have a new meat wallet to call home*
Liz:"My stench trench will belong to Anthony 4life*
John:*I don't think so. Anthony's just like me, so he'll find himself a new bearded taco in no time*
Weed:"Hmm. The picture turned out somewhat lasciviously. Were you thinking of poontang?"

Mike:"You've outdone yourself with the flowers, Lawerence. Though, could you be in a gayer profession??"
Mike:"So when are you 2 homosexual cats gonna take the plunge??"
Lawrence:"Well.."
Mike:"Into each other's asses"
Lawrence of Arabia:"Nightly"
Lawrence:"Me and Nick are married in spirit, whatever the fuck that means. We're also married in Hep C"