die fborfw

Mike:"I'm gonna be pub-i-lished!! And theire' giving me a 250 billion dollar advance!!"
Merrie's dolly:"Awesome!! What's the book called??"
Mike:"'Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned'. My inspiration was 'Silence of the Hams'....what are you doing to Merrie?"

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:"We're like so dispossessed"
April:"Speaking of possessed, me and my goth friends got the dolls possessed by some sex demons"
Merrie's dolly:"Hello, Merrie"


Rabbit:"Hello, Liz. Don't worry, things will come around for you, they always do. In the meantime, send me down towards your equator"
Liz:"Okay.....Oh my....awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Elly:"Honey, wipe away those tears"
Liz:"Them ain't tears, Warren jizzed on my face"
Elly:"I understand. You were feeling low and needed some comfort, any comfort"
Liz:"Actually, there's some jizz on my face left-over from the trip up"
Elly:"Shhh, shhh, ho"

April, thinking:"D's mom is a bitch. Fuckin non-Patterson"
Shiimsa, thinking:"I want down, I want down. Put me down. This is not on my own terms. I want down"
April:"Yo ma, serve me up something to yell at, another all-too-common, lazy means by which to end a strip. See yesterdays strip and many many others"
Elly:"You try dragging a strip out with limited brainpower and supreme arrogance, beyatch"
April:"We are all manifestations of Lynn, so don't talk like you alone are Lynn"
Elly:"This conversation is blowing my fuckin mind"

April:"A whole lazy week of this cat shit for cartoons, eh Lynn. I'll take lazy word-play over this shit any day"
Elly:"Lynn??"

Warren:"You fly into Northern Ontario, all 800,000 square km of it, and you all you hear of is Elizabeth Patterson"
Liz:"I'm fabulous"
Warren:"I like those movie scenes when cheesy villians drop a person from a plane without a parachute"
Liz:"Is that your plan for me??"
Warren:"I do have a cheesy homicidal side"
Liz:"I have sex with Michael"
Warren:"Well, we do have our warts. At least we're not divorced"

Gary:"And sometimes it's closer than you think"
fborfwlover:"Oh no you don't. You're shacking up with that hell-bound divorcee, Anthony. I am a prophet from the Old Testament: 'the book of fborfwlover'. This is the one prophecy from the Old t. that isn't incredibly vague: 'for middle-age spread woman shall shack up with mustachioed hell-bound divorcee and gretel shall eat shit'"
Liz:"Actually, you're kinda hot"
fborfwlover:"'poo??"

Gary:"Well we visited everyone. Except the local drunk *hahahaha* I mean drunks...Okay, we're all drunk"
....
Liz:"If you ever need a friend, there are great people here in Mtigwaki"
Paul:"Yeah, I know"
Liz:"That's a zinger, Paul. Implication: I'm not your friend"
Paul:"Zinger? Does that mean white woman with big-time middle-age spread??"
Liz, extending middle finger:"Sit on this and rotate!!!"
*Liz runs away gleefully*

http://www.thestar.com/artsentertainment/article/169553

Emerging hunk, Jesse:"Like most 13 yr old engines, I enjoy discussing my feelings, preferably discussing my warm-and-fuzzy feelings. I learned that I get such a feeling when I touch down there and touch others down there. And that's a pretty fucked-up face, Mrs. P."
Liz:"Well Jesse, I was thinking that when I give, I get back. That's the only reason I give"

Liz:"Viv, I'm going over to Gary's for a steaming cup o' joe"
Viv:"This town is overrun by steaming cups o' joe. And by alcohol and incest"
....
Liz:"What's with the cowlick at the back of your head, Gary. Oh, this is an engine thing, like a mowhawk. Anyways, I'm sad"
Gary:"He is an engine, Liz. You can't remove him from his culture"
Liz:"Maybe he don't like white man's culture, but he sure like white man's cash. Get off the Dole already"
Gary:"Yeah, you stole our land and identity, motherfucker, it's the least you motherfuckers can do till we get them back"
Liz:"fuckin eh??"

Paul:"I have thing for teachers, just ask Gretel. I also have a thing for Ejabo from Uganda"
Liz:"Lying and cheating don't just happen. You didn't mean to hurt me?? Well guess what, it just happened"
Susan:"NOT STUPID WORDPLAY AGAIN, EEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHH"
*Susan tomahawks Liz*
Liz, scalpless:"Didn't this just happen? Actually, it happened awhile ago"
Paul:"Your mascara's all over the place. And you're missing a scalp"

*knock,knock,knock*
Susan:"Cuming" (too obvious)
Liz:"What took you so long, I thought you said coming??"
Susan:"No, cuming, with a 'u'. Your bf was bringing me the thunder. After we finished that, I was able to come, with an 'o', to the door"
Paul:"Can we skip all this boohoo shit and get to seeing who you decide on between whappa-whappa guy and ugly fuck divorcee, Anthony. My $$'s on the ugly fuck, because you both get dumped like the white shit that you are"
Liz:"I got here a day early...but I see I'm already too late...Wait, wait, I got a better line: Inside a world of shit, you're still an asshole to me"

Liz:"With pleasure"
Gary:"Even vexed you have a lovely countenance. Too bad for you, always the playa-hater never the playa; remember that other dude that cheated on you at Nipissing? What cha doing wrong biatch, they bored witcha? Your packed thighs not good for a playa?"
Liz:"Oh yeah, engines think they're hip-hoping negroes. So do East Indians. Get your own damn culture"

Warren:"I'll fire a couple rounds into the village to wake up one of the drunks"
*je-je-je-je-je* (gunshots)
Gary:"Hey, you're not alcohol"
Liz:"I brought some Alymer's glue, unfortunately only a glue stick"
Gary:"Your boyfriend's fucking a local,oops, I mean, you got some inspecting to do"
Liz:"Wha? Anyways, don't my lashes look lovely?"


*whappa-whappa-whappa*
Warren:"So here is the speedometer, over here is the pressure guage, there is the oil guage and right here is my erect penis"
Liz:"Why is your penis out? And I can't hear you, the guy in the back has the other headset"
Warren:"I'm aware of that"

Warren, thinking:If I can't have her, no one can. I'll bring us to death in a fiery crash. I must convince her that my intentions are friendly
Warren:"So, babe, the client lives around here and wants to head to a place north of Mtigwaki, all coincidence. He is also averse to romantic suicide missions. And companies don't mind if I take the chopper, i.e. whappa-whappa-mobile, on personal side-trips"
Liz:"Sounds plausible...wait...I know you can be fresh, especially to a lovely-lashed lass serving steaming cups o' joe"
Warren:"I'm homosexual now"
Liz:"O.k. let's go"

April:"Hey, haven't I seen you above the month of July, with a thick fire-hose between your legs?"
Hunky firefighter:"fborfwlover was above August, with a wee pencil between his legs...So we got some of Deanna's stuff here, all fixed up because we have nothing better to do but care for the Pattersons"
April:"Isn't it typically grossly mysogynistic at the fire hall, with the occassional bitch coming in an' ruining it by being all bitch?"
Hunky firefighter:"True enough, but we all gathered around her photo album an' nursed it back to tip-top shape. Plus, there were some sweet breast-feeding pics"