die fborfw

Liz:"I hope Anthony won't find out about my bum-where-my-vagina-should-be disease"
Dee:"Just tell him you have a tiny, pussy-shaped ass and a wide, very wide, kitty. And that you prefer anal sex. And keep his glasses off"
Elly, thinking:"I never realised her ass is where her vagina ought to be. Or maybe it's the fuckin weed in me. My facial expression suggests the latter"


Dee:"So this is really happening, you guys are .... oh my god I swallowed the needle"
*Liz kicks Dee in the chops*
Dee:"My delicate facial features!"
Liz:"Relax, I was performing the head-kick manouver, or is that heimlich? Here, chase that down with a ball of needles"

Liz:"I have news Antony"
Anthony:"Lemme guess, you're pregnant"
Liz:"How'd you know??"
Anthony:"Well, your shirt is drenched in lactated milk"
Liz:"Sigh, I think I'm ready to give birth. You give birth through the boobs, eh?"
Antony:"If you feel pressured to have an early wedding to avoid having an illegimate bastard, then we can abort it"
Liz:"Is that done by having a mastectomy? It's not just the illegimate kid, it's having to get married before gramps offs"
Anthony:"We could abort him. He's pretty much a fetus in the first trimester"

April, the teen:"I saw old pics, she looked beautiful. You'll look fat"
Liz:"So I'll have Gram's dress and Anthony will dress as the Fuhrer. We'll give Gramps a water gun to shoot at Anthony"
April:"The rack area is too large. Lemme put my hand down there to adjust....is that...is that milk??"
Liz:"Uhhh....uhhh...okay, you can take your hand out of there now"
April:"No, I'm fine"
(TO BE CONTINUED)

jealous emmy?

John:"It's nice to have a surrogate grandfather around"
Liz:"Wouldn't he be a surrogate father?"
John:"I just think of all wrinkly people as grandparents"
Liz:"Sigh, I wish he would live 4eva. Or at least until a fall wedding, the autumn colours would provide a fab background"


*John makes cheeky comment*
John and Elly:*giggle, giggle, giggle, play, play, play*
John:"haha, by the way, I'm fucking another woman and I'm leaving you. I've told you many times actually"
Elly:"Oh, I know. You can forget about a hand-job, at least from her right hand"

Elly:"My dad saw you in ... what the hell is with that position and that look?? Gawd, I can't STAND it"
*Elly pulls at Liz's arms*
Liz:"Fuck off mom this my menacholy indecisive pose"
"Liz bites Elly's arm*
Elly:"OWWW! Whore! Time for the cold-water enema"
Liz:"Yeah, go ahead, the only other personality you'll see is cold shit from my ass"

April:"Hey grandpa. I brought you this nature book. It tells how a dying seagull goes off on its own to die alone and without hindering the living April, I mean seagulls"
Iris:"There was a show on last night about when to pull the plug. They said the earlier, the better"
*Grandpa rolls over and farts*
Iris:"He does what he can to tell us off"

Apri:"I think I'll get grandpa the game Tongue-Twister"
Eva:"I thought you had no money"
April:"Hmm, maybe this tie. I like to hold it. If you hold it long enough it becomes a long flaccid dong"
Eva:"Isn't that Lum over there??"
April:"huh? Oh God, hide me"
Eva:"No worries, he's shacked up with gretel now"

Eva:"You ain't gonna buy anything, girl? You're an enemy of the economy"
April:"Well I got this dog-collar. Heavens knows I NEED that. And I certainly NEED these midriff baring shirts that I got to keep up with my peers"
Eva:"Heaven knows? You forgot that your peers also have nice tight tummies."
April:"Anyways, you can't trace cash, now can you?"
Eva:"For when you purchase contraband jellybeans?"
April:"Get to the back of the bus, pogrom-head"
Eva:"You need to buy some wit, hon"

Music in background:"Initiate blood purge/Coalition in massacre/Mechanized high tech/Whole sale death in effect"
Eva:"oooo, check out my pits"
April:"You look hot gf. Carrie would approve"
Eva:"huh? I AM Carrie."
*Carrie crashes into wall*
Carrie:"Oops, I guess my sexy closed-eyes look isn't too functional"
Cashier:"Remember when feminism included hairy pits and muffs? Now we are liberated through Sex and the City and trying to look like women from male fantasies"
Carrie:"Ring the belt through bitch"