die fborfw

*Dixie shakes off her wet coat all over Gramps*
Gramps:"Motherfucker. And that wasn't aphasia"
April:"Yeah, mom made me come. Soooooooooooo......."
*April squeezes her whoopie cushion, Gramps just has an annoyed look on his face*
April, to herself:"It's a good thing old people are too stupid to realize the clever machinations of the young"

April:"I just took a shit...all over the justice system, like I always do"
Meanwhile, behind the facade of this innocent-looking courthouse...
Judge Judy:"Howard Bunt, for brushing Liz's titties and some other stuff, I sentence you to 2 years plus 1 day, just to be different"
Announcer:"Next up is the case of Emmy versus Gretel's father. Emmy is accused of firing off 35 shitballs in the corner of Gretel's father's office. Emmy contends there is no difference between said office and kitty litter. Judge Judy presiding"

*Mike stares down his unwieldly coat*
Mike:"You know, Deeeeee, must you be so unflichingly, stupidly supportive? Do you have a personality of your own? You have 2 young kids and you're living with your in-laws. Most chicks with just youngins are complete head-case bitches, on top of their natural female cuntiness. Must you worship me like a deity? Oh wait, rhetorical question"
Merrie:"I looked up 'kept man': A man supported financially by someone in return for being available to them as a sexual partner. Being "kept" could be seen as a form of prostitution, especially if the relationship has a sexual dimension. Also from urbandictionary.com, which has sadly started to streamline and sell-out: a white boy from the suburbs that marries a rich lady. His job is to pleasure her and be eye candy. She in returns takes care of all his financial needs"

Francine:"You look paler than Gretel raggin"
Michael:"Bad news, F. I gotta axe a peep"
Francine:"Axe a peep what??"
Michael:"Stop being black, F."
Francine:"Dee tells me you're faaaaaaaaaaaar from being black, if you know what I mean. I mean you have a tiny cock, whereas blacks are hung an' juicy"
Michael:"Anyways, I resigning nigga"
Gretel:"Oh great. Now they'll have to rehire a chief editor and he/she will have to fire someone. Way to go you ball-less mothafucka"
fborfwlover:"But by resigning, he sending a signal that any more staff cuts are unacceptable. He's heroic"
Kwame Baffoe:"Yo Gretz. Why don't youse and me make some 1/4 oreo kids, Schnizzle??"

Deeeeeeeeee:"Great! Now you can stay home with the kids while I work, doing my pharmacy job, plus my backdoor pharamacy job. Enjoy the fraggin kids"
Michael:"I was envisioning me at the typewriter while you earn a real paycheque, then you had to ruin it with the fraggin kids thing"
Merrie:"My ears are burning, assholes"
Robin:"Ironically, my asshole is burning. Change my fuckin diapers"

Francine:"Smells like freshly peeled orages in here!"
Mike:"Bad news, Francine. Glutty wants someone axed. But I ain't doing it, I'm gonna resign instead. My bowels have been weak from stress, so it's probably a good time. Plus, I'm too chicken to axe someone"
Francine:"But Michael! You are our Moses. Lead us to the land of rape and honey"
Mike:"That ain't true. I'm Yahweh"
Francine, under her breath as she walks away:"It smells like farty oranges in here, you chicken shit"
Yahweh:"Yeah, like Yahweh didn't hear that"

Gluttson:"Where's your tie, boy?"
Mike:"Fuck the man"
Gluttson:"Anyways, as top hat wearing, golfing and yatching capitalist pig, I need you to downsize the fborfw staff, I mean portrait staff"
Mike:"Subliminal message, eh? Well, I suppose I could let Bob Cratchit go. But no, I musn't! I fight for the bourgeoisie"
Gluttson:"Don't you mean proletariat??"
Mike:"Subliminal message, boy"

Mike:"Doesn't someone from the Middle East usually work parking lots?"
Scum-fuck:"I'm sitting on him"
Mike:"Being a published author, I knows how things work down here in the gutter. For I'm a published author. You will give me that parking space, for I am a published author. Don't make me take my cardigan off .... Okay here's 50 bones"
Scum-fuck:"We ain't in Croatia, nigga. Here, blow jobs does the trick. Or turn it, if you will"
Mike:"ooooooooooooooooo, play .......on..........motherfuckin.......words"

Weed:"So the poo-poo platter over there, the juggling clowns over there, the lines of coke over there, and Dee splayed out over there"
Mike:"You just, uhhhhhhhhhhhh, snuck that in there, eh Weed?"
Weed:"No, coke"
Mike:"oooooooooooooo, play on words!! You know what that means!!'
*Weed disrobes, bends over and takes it like a man*

Michael:"I need to speak to Grandpa"
Iris:"'Hi, Iris' would be nice"
Michael:"Move bitch...Gramps, I figured out a cure for aphasia!... Just kidding...I figured out a cure for aphasia!...Why am I even here, he can't comprehend my greatness"
Gramps:"I fought in the war and you write crap, pencil dick"
Iris:"His comprehension thicker than your dick, eh boy?"

Editor:"I rarely say things like this, but you have crafted a superbly compelling emotional story about stochastic climate modelling. We believe the potential readership of 8 justifies its inclusion in our fall line-up"


Deeeeeeee:"Oh, man-boobies, man-boobies!"
John:"Good always follows bad, it's like that yang-yang thing"
Mike:"Yeah, I brokered a deal with the same agent working for Gretel"
John:"ooooooo, looks like bad's gonna follow good, like eternal bad"