die fborfw

Friend whose son is homosexual:"I'll never see Lawerence married except in some freakshow way"
Elly:"Nevertheless, he found a pardner. Better than marrying a horse I suppose"
Friend:"I'm happy to hand over the reins and leather chaps to the next generation"
Elly:"They'll need it in brokeback mountain"

Iris:"Welcome"
Elly:"Welcome"
Iris:"Welcome in reply?? Awkward...wonder where Mike Doody is?"
...
Elly:"It's funny that Mom died before Dad became an incontinent ol' bastard, and you married him just before he got to that stage."
Iris:"Buys high and sells low, that what I says"

Grandpa Jim:"Sit...on..lap"
Liz:"Okay..oh my"
Iris:"Sorry dear. I guess he mistakened you for his previous wife"

April:"Someday, when I'm past my prime fertility, I'll search internet dating sites and marry a gentleman from another city whose pic looks alright and whose hobbies somewhat align with mine"
Liz:"Ignorance is bliss"
April:"Oh tres droll, sis"

Liz:"So I get to be your friend too, albeit one that spanks you when you're bad"
Francie:"Want some sugar with your kaluha?"
Liz:"No, I'm on a candida diet"
Francie:"Like yeast-infected cunt??"


John:"That's great news, hon. I'm already picturing the consummation of their marriage"
Elly:"Yeah, as if that hasn't happened already. I know the ceremony is a just formality, just a sacrament between them and God, nuthin important. Anyways, that's out the window cuz Anthony is an adultering divorcee. But I can't help gettting weepy thinking of my own failed marriage"
John:"Wha?? Oh yeah, that hot, relatively speaking, piece of ass that I dumped you for...did you put arsenic in my food??"