die fborfw

calm, cool & composed Elly:"Yes, my father's had a stroke. I care inasmuch as the will is concerned, but the hag he married has some affection for him despite his propensity for shitting his pants"
911 Operator:"inasmuch? I don't think you used that word properly, you pretentious, frigid cunt"
Elly:"There, there Iris. As long as I'm alive, that's all that matters."

Iris:"Come in. Please! Do hurry!"
Elly:"Is father breathing?"
Iris:"Before I answer that, let us enjoy a steaming cup o' joe."
Elly:"Excellent."
*sip,sip,sip,sip*
Elly:"Ahhh. Now back to dead father."

Liz:"You're incredibly stupid, Paul"
Paul:"We are...what? Why?"
Liz:"Because it's so freakin' obvious I'll be bedding Antony soon"
Paul:"My money's on whappa whappa, as is Gretel's"

April:"Let's do the same thing as last strip, where you say something diva-ish and I heroically emphasize but nevertheless allow to slip a bit of a disdainful expression. I am a difficult to handle teen after alll"
Beckers:"Lez do that"

Beckers sits down.
Beckers:"Ummm, is that your hand?"
April:"Yes. Now let's talk about how much of a cunt you are and how jealous we are."
Beckers:"At least your not all self-righteous and looking down on me in retaliation for looking down on you"
April:"Actually, I'm double self-righteous. I defend you in front of my self-righteous friends to look as though I'm above them, and simultaneously, I'm a self-righteous cunt towards you."
Beckers:"Ummm, is that your finger?"

April:"Maybe we're the only part of her world that's real, negro"
Negro:"WHAT!!??"
April:"Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeegro"
Negro:"Wanna come over to my place for some white chicks, black dicks??"
April:"Is your gf white or black cuz she used to be black"
Negro:"Black?? Oh, neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegro"

Liz:"I don't want to think about it, April."
bad-seed teenager April: "ooooooo, by saying my name, you conveyed a shade of annoyance. oooooo. Liz loves Howard, wants to suck his rotund cock. Floss yer teeth with his pubies. Mom, I'm going to smoke some dope and eat pussy. Fuck you bitch whores, I'm outta here."
April:"Wait, I'm Patterson progeny, therefore, holier than thou. I'll finish these dishes. Sorry, Elizabeth."

Antony thinking to himself:"Hmm I never noticed that disgusting mole on the side of her face."
Antony:"She smells kinda like fish today too, and there's only 2 things that smell fish, one being pussy"
Antony thinking to himself:"Oops, said that out loud. I do wish something...that I was away from this stinky fish smell, the other thing that smells like fish being fish."


Antony:"A steaming cup o' joe...how fuckin' original"
Liz:"I wonder if this will be Howard's End? Hmpph, giggle"
Antony:"Eat me"

ooooo, two straight biting indictments of the judicial system
Far too many pigs recently (speeding(twice), engine, this)
I can see your midriff and bellybutton, April. That's, like, so 3 years ago.

Liz enters:"Hallo mommie, me chinese, me no dumb, me hang on to daddy's bum, daddy go pppptt, me go zoom, that's why I got here so soon!!"
What dog sleeps on his back with his front legs resting on his belly??

Liz:"I was wondering if.."
Elly:"Sure, the guest bedroom is all made up"
Liz"No, I was wondering if I could have a sex-change operation. Like that dude(ette) who pretended to kill Jonbenet Ramsay. I'd still be with that engine from up north, but now it's gay. Btw, I killed Jonbenet."
Elly:"But I already bought some pad-ulars for you, and April is a tampon girl and I'm dried up!"
Liz:"Give 'em to Dee"
Elly:"I guess..."